kiki_eyes_2

Dreaming about making a deposit into my checking account when the earthquake hit. Barely made it out of the bank. Ran up a staircase into the streets of a metropolitan area as the bank roof crumbled behind me. After crossing the street, it started to rain. It was a lovely rain. Abundant with delicate droplets. Like a blessing. 

Woke up around 11:30 pm with a headache. Took two Excedrin to knock it out and went back to sleep.  Woke again at 2 am with caffeine from the Excedrin zinging through my system. There was no chance of sleep or recapturing the dream as my mind turned to Bush.  George W. Bush.  “Shrub” as Molly Ivins liked to call him. God bless Molly Ivins! I miss her.

So here I am [this is Kiki]  up at 2 friggin’ 15 in the morning. My virus scanner is humming away doing its middle of the night thing, keeping me company.

This man Bush really has a hold on me. An eight-year Vulcan nerve pinch.   It started when he stole the election in 2000 by rigging the election in my home state of Florida. God, was I pissed and hurt and confused. The deeper we got into his residency at 1600, the more pissed, hurt and confused I was.

I wrote a letter to Bush just before he sent us to war in Afghanistan. I felt he was opportunistically jumping on 911 as a way of marshalling support for his daddy’s war in the Middle East. I’m pretty sure I left that part out of the letter.

Very politely and diplomatically I explained why I thought going to war was a bad idea and suggested we find another way to handle the crisis. A few weeks later, a lovely embossed card from the White House arrived. Looked like an invitation to dinner.  The delicate font explained why the war was necessary. It’s around here somewhere with a big muddy footprint on it.

By 2002 I was seriously depressed. My doctor Lisa thought it was Seasonal Affective Disorder. In hindsight I think it was Bush Administration Disorder.  I felt isolated. Like I was the only person on the planet who felt this way. Whenever I voiced my opinion folks would clam up – maybe because they disagreed, maybe because they agreed and were fearful of expressing themselves. Don’t really know. Greg was a patient listener.

Somewhere around 2002, there came a two hour window of sunlight. John Gorka was playing at the Grassroots Concert Series down in Nisswa. There I was, in a room full of kindred spirits, actually laughing at the insanity!

Gorka was the aloe on my burn. First eruption of laughter from my soul since the non-election of 2000. I’m pretty sure my face started cracking. After the concert a song came through while I was sitting at home in my bedroom. It’s called Gorka.

The first part goes like this:

I’ve been a melancholy girl

since the coup d’etat

ready to run

ready to hide

protect my firstborn son

I’ve been belly up and pale

since they seized my home

tossing papers to the wind

Then you came along

with a feather in your song

you made me laugh

you made me laugh

the same point of view

with a different attitude

you made me laugh

you made me laugh

Forgiveness is a big part of my spiritual work. I’ve forgiven the woman who used to refer to me as “The Pig” in front of her children. I’ve forgiven my ex-husband for the $45,000 back child support that we did without. Mostly I’ve forgiven myself for my participation in all of my relationships where there was a need for forgiveness.

All except Bush.

Maybe Brian Tracy’s forgiveness process from Maximum Achievement will do the trick for me. I’m digging through his book now at 2:52 am. Here it is, page 228. “The Law of Forgiveness.”

“The Law of Forgiveness states that you are mentally healthy to the exact degree to which you can freely forgive and forget offenses against you, ” and “To fulfill your potential, to develop your full mental capacities and to liberate your emotional and spiritual energies, you absolutely must forgive everyone who has ever hurt you in any way.”  

Still scanning for the end of that sentence, there may be a typo. Shouldn’t it read …except, of course, for George W. Bush?   Hmm … not finding it.

On to pages 229-30.  Tracy says there are three people in our lives that we must forgive if we want to liberate ourselves from negative feelings of guilt, inferiority, inadequacy, undeservingness, resentment and anger.

Who are these three people?

1. Your parents

2. Everyone else

3. Yourself

 

I’m trying to keep up with the math here. 

At 3:08am  ibiblio  estimates there are 6,863,076,079 people on the planet.  Maybe I can give myself points for feeling good about 6,863,076,078 people.

So for our own peace of mind, we have to forgive everyone everything.

Forgive Bush for EVERYTHING?!

Huh.

Huh?

The little red devil with the pitchfork  ]:(   and golden haloed feathery-winged angel  0:-)  come a runnin’. They assume their positions on opposing shoulders as I write. 

]:(    Forgive Bush for robbing me of my sanity?

0:-)   We choose to let our sanity be robbed. Our response is our choice.

]:(   Forgive him for stealing our money and giving it to his buddies? 

0:-)  We live in an abundant universe and there is enough for all!  We’ll work it out.

]:(    Forgive him for ignoring my letter and going to war anyway?

0:-)   (angelic smile)

]:(   Forgive him for destroying our country’s reputation?

0:-)  We can rebirth bonds of trust with the rest of the world.

]:(   Forgive him for spying on us? For torturing people? For paper-shredding the Constitution? For manipulating us?

0:-)  Yes, forgive him for ALL of it.

Tracy says there is a technique you can use if someone is really stuck in your craw. It’s on page 231 and it’s called “The Letter.” It’s usually reserved for bad relationships and bad marriages.

 The letter consists of three parts:

1. In the first part you say, “I accept complete responsibility for our relationship. I got myself into it and I have no excuses to offer.”

 

Hold on a sec – my buddies are back.

]:(  Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! What do you mean I got myself into it? He’s the bad guy. What kind of responsibility should I have to take for Bush’s actions?

0:-) Maybe you could start by taking responsibility for the angry way you respond.

Hmmm. 

 

2. Part two of the letter says, “I forgive you for everything you ever did that hurt me in any way.”

Tracy says, “Sometimes it’s good to spell out the things that you forgive the other person for.” A woman Tracy knows wrote 8 pages of things she forgave her ex-husband for.

 

3. Part three of the letter ends by writing the phrase, “I wish you well.” and dropping the letter into a mailbox, or perhaps in my case, saying my piece peace and hitting the Publish button in wordpress at 7:44 am.

And so, Mr. George W. Bush, with a full heart and responsibility for my part of this relationship, I forgive you for everything you ever did that hurt me in any way. And wherever you are on this fine morning … I wish you well.

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